Pastoral survival can be a grim topic. Pastors deal with depression (18% of them, per Lifeway Research), loneliness (65% of all pastors in 2023), trauma, unrealistic expectations on pastoral families, and more.
The life of a hireling is easier than the life of a shepherd. Caring for sheep (and not a few goats) is a life-giving endeavor. By that I mean shepherds give their lives for the sheep, just as Jesus did.
Pastors grow mentally weary from sermon preparation; grow emotionally weary from bearing the burdens of the flock and their family; and physically weary from burning the candle at both ends—and often the middle as well. Even when successfully maintaining time alone with God, an active prayer life, and full trust in his plan, the struggle to maintain self-care is real.
I’ve never heard of pastors who intentionally wear themselves down to nothing; it just happens. Here are three ways you can actively participate in your own survival.
Get enough quality sleep.
Sleep? What’s that?
Something a lot of pastors don’t get enough of. “I’ll rest when I’m dead” is not biblical counsel.
Anecdotally, pastors work 45-60 hours a week. Self-imposed pressure to study like Jonathan Edwards, minister like Amy Carmichael, write as much as John Piper, preach as deeply as Charles Spurgeon, and have impact like Martin Luther King, Jr makes for irregular schedules and irregular sleep.
I remember one vacation during my last full-time pastorate. I wasn’t aware of being particularly tired, but when I awoke the next morning I’d slept for 13 hours! I was beyond exhausted and didn’t even know it. As many preachers have noted, there’s a reason Jesus fell asleep in a boat and had to be rousted during a squall.
With few exceptions, adults need between seven and nine hours of sleep each night. And it isn’t only the amount of sleep you get, but the quality of that sleep. With newborns in the home, quality sleep disappears for months. Young kids needing comfort in the wee hours disrupt sleep. Teens can require sleeping with one eye open for years. Aging is accompanied by overnight bathroom visits, often multiple such trips. It’s no wonder pastors don’t get enough quality sleep.
But, “sleep quality is vital for our overall health. Research has shown that people with poor sleep quality are at a higher risk for diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression.” (Harvard Health) Quality sleep being hard to catch is no reason not to pursue it.
Eat healthy, nutritious meals.
“Hey pastor, wanna grab breakfast this week?”
“Sure. Where and when.”
“7:00, [local house of sodium]”
Sound familiar? Now add lunches and desk-drawer snacks.
Pastors can fall victim to the same bad eating habits as the unhealthiest people around. In a 2024 survey of pastors enrolled with Guidestone, 28% admitted their physical health is not what it should be. A 2020 survey of 560 pastors found only 14% with a healthy Body Mass Index, with 46% of the respondents being obese.
Eating healthy is hard and eating bad is easy; that’s the root problem of the American diet. The time—and cost—of buying healthy food, preparing healthy meals, and cutting down on unhealthy “treats” takes as much Spirit-controlled living as conquering other parts of our undisciplined lives.
But it’s crucially important that we pay attention to what we eat and make necessary changes to our diets.
There is no dearth of articles and books on gut-health, heart-health, healthy meal prep, and balanced diets for every phase of life. Take small steps if needed; but take the steps.
If eating healthy is a struggle for you, see your doctor to find a path of proper nutrition. “Don’t,” as my former professor told his class, “dig your grave with your teeth.”
Make and keep friends who invite and protect honesty.
For many pastors, a lack of close friends is inextricably linked to the loneliness referenced at the top of this article. Trusted communication is the warp and woof of close friendship, but can be a challenge for pastors. The bonds of pastoral trust (or “sanctity” in some traditions) limit much pastoral conversation to sports or other innocuous topics that avoid revealing private information.
Pastors need friends with whom they can be completely open and honest with no fear of being stabbed in the back or left out in the cold.
To be clear, there are times when a therapist or counselor is needed. I don’t intend to say having friends will always solve deep-seated challenges. Pastoral PTSD, as some have termed it, needs more than a few coffees or a round of golf.
But having friends isn’t unimportant, either.
Pastors need friends who invite and protect honesty. That means people you don’t judge your authentic struggles, provide a healthy place to unload and sort those struggles, and keep personal issues confidential.
For me, it’s a text group of three pastors, one former pastor, and myself. We’ve never lived in the same city—we met online more than 20 years ago. I think each of us would say, aside from other friends we have, that group is a protected space where we each work out different aspects of our own salvation with fear and trembling…but without concern of leaked details.
I continue to believe most pastors have a strong desire to please God. They spend time in the Word, evangelize, minister, and pray. All these things are surely included in what Paul referenced as his ministry with the churches. It’s all Kingdom work, but it can break you down. So take care to self-care. It isn’t selfish; it’s godly.
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